I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting in the basement after first meeting “Alexa”, listening to her tell stories of her pregnancy and birth while she showed me pictures of her newborn baby. The experience wasn’t new to me, but the story was. Spending time with this new mom was different. Alexa’s journey of life and love is an inspirational depiction from tragedy to joy, and everything in between. This is her story.
Me: If you’re comfortable, can you tell me a little bit about your pregnancy?
Alexa: In 2012, I became pregnant at a young age by being a victim of rape by a family friend. When I first found out I was pregnant, my immediate thought was abortion, so I made an appointment and went to the clinic. After I did the paper work and saw the counselor they started preparing me for the procedure. I walked to the chair and I saw the abortion tools they were going to use and immediately got scared and knew I couldn’t go through with it. The temptation to get an abortion happened to me repeatedly because I was being pressured by family and friends. I knew what to expect each time but in the end, I knew abortion wasn’t the right option for me.
Me: Did you have any support from your parents or your family?
Alexa: Unfortunately I had no support from my parents because they never believed that it happened and they were too much into their own personal issues to help me. I only had a few people help me throughout the pregnancy and most of the time I refused their help because they were pushing me to do their way. In the end, most of my family pretty much disowned me.
Me: So what did you do?
Alexa: I used everything that had been thrown my way to make me stronger. Thankfully my Godmother went to church with one of the Sisters of Life and knew about the work they did. She introduced me to them and they became my family. They helped me find a place to live and came with me to adoption meetings to help me understand the process.
Me: Why did you choose an open adoption?
Alexa: I knew I wasn’t prepared to raise a baby, but at the same time I wanted my child in my life. I also knew abortion was not going to help the situation, and that the best thing for me to do was to find my child a loving home. The adoption agency gave me books to look through, and the couple I chose stood out immediately. I knew they were the ones for my baby right away. To this day I have a very good relationship with them. We are supportive of each other and we have our child’s best interests in mind all the time. Because it’s an open adoption, I am able to see and speak to my child, who calls me “Mama Alexa”.
I know some people say that in situations like mine, the child reminds the mother of the victimizer. I’ll be honest, and say that at times it has. All that being said however, my child did nothing wrong, and therefore that will never affect our relationship.
Every time we speak, whether it’s in person or over phone, I just can’t get enough of my baby and how smart my child is growing up to be. I get to see and hear all the amazing things that my child is learning and gets to do, and I’m a proud mother. I don’t regret anything I have done in this situation and I would do it the same way if I had to do it again. Having my child in my life and going through the open adoption process has given me the best of both worlds, and has helped me tremendously overcome what happened to me. I know in my heart if I had gone through with the abortion, it would have had the opposite effect. It would not have helped me overcome what happened in a healthy way, but make it worse because it would’ve added regret onto everything else I was feeling.
Me: What encouraging or helpful words would you say to a girl who is going through a similar circumstance that you went through?
Alexa: To never give up hope and have faith because this experience has made me stronger and more brave. There are organizations out there to help you, and I am here to help you. Everyone needs someone, and even though you might not think you have anyone, you do. You have me. And above all else, never forget love.
Me: What would you say to an MP who thought abortion was the best choice for victims of rape?
Alexa: I would tell them that abortion would have been the worst choice for me considering how much I love my baby despite the fact that my child was a product of rape. Instead of using women who have been victimized, speak to us. Hear what we have to say. Let us birth mothers who put our children up for adoption speak out. I would ask the politician why isn’t adoption promoted more, especially in these situations? If we really want what’s best for women, wouldn’t that option be what’s best for our children as well?
Me: Why did you choose to share your story publicly?
Alexa: Because I wanted to reach out and help others who may be going through similar situations. There are other options that women can choose besides abortion that are better. I also wanted to highlight the joys of adoption, and all that it has to offer for both mother and child. In the end, if I can affect just one person, one life, or one woman, then sharing my personal journey is worth it.